PAIN MGMT.

"I've gotta give my client truly the best!"

Pure babyface energy. Will get screwed over by trusting heels too much. The audience's entry point into the madness.

"The stars are aligned for victory..."

Afrofuturist cosmic gimmick. Cuts promos about aligning chakras for contract negotiations. Manages Gemelos Astrales.

[incoherent muttering about the void]

Vaguely goth, vaguely undead. Manages monster heels like Beast of the Field. Undertaker-manager vibes but more confused.

"We need to strip this back to essentials, man."

Rick Rubin analog. Tastemaker who sees "art" in wrestling. Wears sunglasses indoors. Tries to get clients to do acoustic entrance themes.

"The late great Hooker speaks through me..."

Miss Cleo parody. Conducts séances to get advice from dead wrestlers. Sometimes channels the wrong spirit.

"I say, is this the elevator or the lavatory?"

Weird old Southern aristocrat with Mr. Magoo vibes. Bumbling but well-meaning. Accidentally foils heel schemes by being oblivious.

"I built the first ring with my bare hands."

Claims to have founded the UWC. Has institutional knowledge and old grudges. Connection to the golden age.

"Now I don't uze-a-ly may-neej luchydors..."

Used car dealer by trade, carny by nature. Phony folksy drawl gets thicker when lying. Will sell his client's push for a percentage.

"I come out and the fans, they chant... they chant unfortunate things."

Self-aware heel who knows he gets "X-Pac heat" (go-away heat). Nervous tie-tugger. Anxiety-ridden. Pathetic but persistent.

"I'm gonna need to screen-test you."

Sleazy even by wrestling standards. Makes wrestlers "audition" in questionable ways. Always wiping his hands on his pants.

"I can give you half of 70%, okay, if you're willing to take a third."

Predatory mathematics. Confusing contract language designed to sound generous while screwing talent. Never explains the math.

"Never outshine the master."

"The Man Who Brings the Stars Down." Meta-heel who manages top talent then tears them down in the press. Wrestling's sexiest critic.

"I do be-lieve you will be a fine champ-een!"

Southern kingmaker. Picks champions like horseflesh. Old money, old grudges. Terrepin Hatford's cousin/nemesis.

"This is defamation!"

Threatens lawsuits hourly. Her business card is a subpoena. Somehow always in discovery.

Always lost in the elevator. Shows up randomly in episodes. Never where he's supposed to be. Perpetually confused but happy.

Sophisticated tag team. Wear tuxedos to the ring. Managed by mysterious third party. Classy entrance music.

Conspiracy theory tag team. Believe the Athletic Commissioner is a lizard person. Managed by Bats Belfry.

Lucha brothers with astrology gimmicks. Managed by Jabari Orbit. Entrance involves telescopes and zodiac projections.